My 100 Day Project
I'll do whatever Suleika Jaouad says
For my birthday, my fellow writer friend, Beck, handed me a book and a journal. The book - The Book of Alchemy by Suleika Jaouad, not just any book, an invitation to a creative life. If you do not know Suleika, you may want to look her up real quick. She is a unicorn, but not a pink shiny one, a fiercely bold, rainbow colored, bright light of bravery and goodness. Writer, artist, daughter, partner, friend, and more, she has navigated cancer and battled it with her pen as her sword in hand. I’ve admired her from afar and reading the first pages of her book, she urges readers to “read an essay and prompt each day, then sit down to journal.”
I promise I have not read past the first prompt. I am committed to reading daily, one prompt after the next, and writing—my own version of the 100-day project she proposes.
Prompt #1: What would you write if you weren’t afraid?
Is it okay to dislike the first prompt? I appreciate the sentiment of it - this prompt asks us to release ourselves from the constraints of others’ opinions which I probably need to do more than the average person, but still, writing anything brings fear. We reduce each other with judgement, constantly attempting to categorize one another into boxes that force false narratives. Suleika encourages readers to think about writing more loosely, embracing lists or time stamped bursts of writing. To that end, when I see the word afraid, here are all of the things/ideas/beliefs that come to mind - EVERYTHING. I am scared of all of it AND I love it all a lot too. I think that’s the point?
My son says, “I just a ittle bit scawed.” My daughter says, “I’m just a little bit afraid today.” My youngest says “Mammmiiii” and crawls into my arms, pressing her cheeks tightly to mine. Her body’s movements carry her fear and her peace. They each have their own versions of afraid. They also have an antidote - it’s me. Afraid traces back to the Latin term, exfridare, meaning to take out of peace. Do they know that being their antidote both brings me peace—and makes me cling to it? Goodness what a gift and a load. I cannot make the thunder stop or ensure the classmate is kind today. I am not a magician. They are right - the world is a scary place.
Nuts - Let us RID the world of these. We are a family with food allergies.
Lions, tigers, mice, snakes, bees, scorpions, ohmygosh I cannot keep writing this one because I feel like these things are crawling all over me!!!!!!!
Guns, reckless uses of power, climate change, men making choices on behalf of women and their bodies, people who believe they are the deciders of another’s humanity and dignity, schools without books and children without safety
The first day of school, the first day of everything, being new at something, being not very good yet at something, looking around and not knowing where to sit in the giant cafeteria or classroom or bus, being the last one picked, or called names or pushed, not having someone to swoop in
Getting older, getting sick, caring for someone sick, seeing a friend suffer, death, loss, heart attacks, growing weaker, watching our people age, watching each other grieve, holding it all without crumbling
Babies—the push to bring them into the world, followed by the shaky yanks to pull them back, to shield them from it.
My children, out in the expanse of this life.
My children being your children.
Your children being mine.
I just a lot a bit scawed.
xx neema